Mark says: Last week Jill came home telling me about a man she was behind in the checkout aisle at the grocery store.  As we were making dinner that evening, she shared with me her experience and her thoughts about his simple purchase.  We talked about it for a while and eventually she decided to write an article in our local newspaper about it. We decided that this article is most appropriate for today’s Valentine’s Day Marriage Monday.

What Real Romance Looks Like
By Jill Savage

I stood behind a man in the supermarket checkout lane who was set for romance. He was only purchasing two items: a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. I had to smile. Some lucky lady was going to be pleasantly surprised with his thoughtful gift.

However, flowers and candy only go so far in a relationship. This is because love that lasts a lifetime is not a feeling, but a choice. I wonder if that man in the checkout lane knows…

…that real romance is about learning to listen, even when you’re too tired to want to.

…that real romance requires us to occasionally love someone who is unlovable in the moment.

…that real romance has to be nurtured each and every day for it to last a lifetime.

…that real romance is not a 50-50 agreement…it’s giving 100% even when you don’t receive 100% sometimes.

…that real romance is appreciating the differences in the one you love rather than trying to change them.

…that real romance is about forgiving, sometimes dozens of times a day.

…that real romance is choosing to love even when you feel otherwise for whatever reason.

…that real romance is about praying, “God, change me,” instead of “God, change him or her.”

…that real romance is about being emotionally intimate before you’re ever physically intimate.

…that real romance requires thoughtfulness, kindness, and large doses of patience.

…that real romance is bathing the kids, helping with dishes, and running the vacuum.

…that real romance is giving a back rub when you’d rather receive one.

…that real romance is learning to communicate in better ways than you have in the past.

…that real romance is saving money out of each paycheck for you to do an overnight away once or twice a year.

…that real romance is learning to trust another person with your deepest fears and failures.

…that real romance is doing something with your loved one that they love, even if you don’t.

…that real romance is leaving the past behind and believing the hope of the future.

…that real romance puts a hedge of protection around your relationship, keeping temptation at bay with intentionality.

…that real romance looks nothing like the movies…it’s messy, it’s hard, and it’s it takes a lot of effort.

With today being Valentine’s Day, why don’t you commit to some real romance in your relationship? These romantic gestures will say “I love you,” better than chocolate or roses any day!

Marriage Monday...Happy Valentine's Day!

Mark says: Last week Jill came home telling me about a man she was behind in the checkout aisle at the grocery store.  As we were making dinner that evening, she shared with me her experience and her thoughts about his simple purchase.  We talked about it for a while and eventually she decided to write an article in our local newspaper about it. We decided that this article is most appropriate for today’s Valentine’s Day Marriage Monday.

What Real Romance Looks Like
By Jill Savage

I stood behind a man in the supermarket checkout lane who was set for romance. He was only purchasing two items: a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. I had to smile. Some lucky lady was going to be pleasantly surprised with his thoughtful gift.

However, flowers and candy only go so far in a relationship. This is because love that lasts a lifetime is not a feeling, but a choice. I wonder if that man in the checkout lane knows…

…that real romance is about learning to listen, even when you’re too tired to want to.

…that real romance requires us to occasionally love someone who is unlovable in the moment.

…that real romance has to be nurtured each and every day for it to last a lifetime.

…that real romance is not a 50-50 agreement…it’s giving 100% even when you don’t receive 100% sometimes.

…that real romance is appreciating the differences in the one you love rather than trying to change them.

…that real romance is about forgiving, sometimes dozens of times a day.

…that real romance is choosing to love even when you feel otherwise for whatever reason.

…that real romance is about praying, “God, change me,” instead of “God, change him or her.”

…that real romance is about being emotionally intimate before you’re ever physically intimate.

…that real romance requires thoughtfulness, kindness, and large doses of patience.

…that real romance is bathing the kids, helping with dishes, and running the vacuum.

…that real romance is giving a back rub when you’d rather receive one.

…that real romance is learning to communicate in better ways than you have in the past.

…that real romance is saving money out of each paycheck for you to do an overnight away once or twice a year.

…that real romance is learning to trust another person with your deepest fears and failures.

…that real romance is doing something with your loved one that they love, even if you don’t.

…that real romance is leaving the past behind and believing the hope of the future.

…that real romance puts a hedge of protection around your relationship, keeping temptation at bay with intentionality.

…that real romance looks nothing like the movies…it’s messy, it’s hard, and it’s it takes a lot of effort.

With today being Valentine’s Day, why don’t you commit to some real romance in your relationship? These romantic gestures will say “I love you,” better than chocolate or roses any day!

Friday's Quote of the Week

"Spiritual Suicide, when we give up and alter God's plan for our life because of idealism, confusion, jealousy, judgment, anger, selfishness and/or our own discontent."

Marriage Monday: Whats is it like being married to me?

Several weeks ago someone introduced us to a new book by Linda Dillow called What’s it Like to be Married to Me? That’s a powerful, scary, and possibly life-changing question that we’re going to use as the theme for today’s Marriage Monday.

Mark: I’ve found that we can travel through marriage nurturing bitterness or betterness. Yes, I know “betterness” isn’t really a word…but hang with me on this.  Over time, we can either feed our frustrations which results in bitterness or pursue maturity which results in “betterness” or becoming a better mate.

Jill: Becoming better requires us to more often look at ourselves than pointing the finger at our spouse.  That’s usually not our default way of handling frustration.  Most of us are quick to blame and pray under our breath, “God, change him…quick!” or “God, change her….now!”

Mark: But maturity responds to frustration with, “God, please change me.”  It’s a much harder prayer to pray…but a much more effective one.  Why?  Because the only person you I can change in my marriage is me.

Jill: When I first asked myself this question many years ago, I had to come face to face with my critical spirit.  I had to look at the reality of how unpleasant being married to me was sometimes.

Mark: When I first asked myself this question, I had to face my unrealistic expectations. Growing up with easy access to pornography created unrealistic expectations in the bedroom.  And the bedroom wasn’t the only place where my expectations were off the charts…I was crushing Jill with my idealistic mindset in all areas of our marriage.

Jill: What about you?  Honestly answer this question: What’s it like to be married to me?

Mark: What if your Valentine’s gift to your spouse was an honest apology for the challenges he/she faces being married to you?  What if you committed to move away from bitterness and to fully pursue “betterness,” as you work to change the things that make living with you most difficult?

Jill: We’ve found a little bit of introspection it’s one of the most precious gifts you can give a marriage.

What about you?  What is it like being married to you?

Friday's Quote of the Week

"The fight for surrender ends when we resolve once and for all, three foundational truths: God is good, God is in control, and God knows better than we do!" - Gary Thomas