Marriage Monday: Simple changes that make a BIG difference

This past Tuesday, we read a letter in the Dear Abby column in our local newspaper. Signed “Happier Than Ever,” the author of the letter shared how a simple change in routine THAT COST ABSOLUTELY NOTHING transformed her marriage.

After reading the column Jill and I decided it was good enough to share as a Marriage Monday post.  Let’s see what we can learn from this very wise mom:

DEAR ABBY: So often I read about troubled marriages in your column. May I share with you something that my husband and I started doing that has transformed what I thought was a good marriage into a blissful one?

One day, after complaining that we had no quality time together — we rarely talked, much less made love — my husband suggested we turn off the television and offered to give me a massage.

Ever since, four or five times a week, once the children are in bed, we go into our bedroom, take off our clothes and give each other long massages. Sometimes we spend the entire time in conversation, other times we savor the peace and quiet. Sometimes we make passionate love; other times we fall asleep naked in each other’s arms, completely content.

It doesn’t matter how it turns out; it’s wonderful and it has made the rest of our lives less stressful and more enjoyable. Our sex life is better than before the children came, and we sleep in the nude more often.

I hope you’ll print this. More marriages would take a turn for the better if couples made time for each other and discovered the wonders of massage. — HAPPIER THAN EVER

What we loved about this was the simplicity of the decision they made to turn off the television and INVEST in their marriage.

Over the years, we have used this strategy in different ways.  Many years ago we would turn the TV off and play Yahtzee…just the two of us.  In the summer, we step away from the TV and the computers a couple of nights a week and sit out on the porch swing after the kids are in bed and talk.  In the past year, our Craig’s list hot tub has provided a little getaway for us right in our own yard.

It’s always a challenge to start a new routine…but when it comes to our marriage it’s worth taking the challenge!  Yes, you might have to give us some computer time or your favorite television show.  But isn’t your marriage worth it?

Investing in your marriage doesn’t have to cost a dime…it just requires a little bit of intentionality.  Don’t you think “intentionally investing” in your marriage might be the best Valentine’s gift you could give each other this year?

What about you? What “doesn’t cost a dime” changes have you or are you making to invest in your marriage?

Marriage Mondays

Our friend Jody made this statement, “The two best indicators of whether you’re living your value system are your calendar and your checkbook.”

As we start the new year, most of us give some thought to “resolutions,” or ways that we resolve to change.  We think about weight, fitness, being in the Bible more, slowing down, getting more involved, or not being over-committed. But how often do we think of “investing more in my marriage?”  Today’s Marriage Monday is about resolving to invest more in your marriage.

Mark says…
When Jill and I have hit the hard seasons of our marriage, we’ve done what we needed to do: get back to a weekly date, sort through issues with a counselor, increase our talk time at home, go to a marriage seminar, or read a book on marriage.
These are all great strategies for getting a relationship back on track, but the problem with all of them is that they are reactive.

Jill says…
Reactive strategies work for the short term, but a healthy marriage relationship requires us to be proactive far more often than we are reactive.  Unfortunately, too many marriages on put on autopilot.  They are virtually ignored until a crash occurs.  And then the crash causes us to react.

Mark says…
Jill and I have definitely been in the reactive cycle before.  We identify a problem and patch up our relationship enough to get it back on track.  But this is a short-term fix, not a long-term investment.

Jill says…
As we launch into the new year, we all need to be proactive about investing in our marriage relationship.  The goal needs to be so intentional about deepening our communication and intimacy that there’s no need to be reactive!

Mark says…
Most of us would say that our marriage is a priority…but when we do an honest evaluation of our calendar, we see very little–if any–time set aside to spend time with our spouse.

Jill says…
We want to extend a challenge to you…and it’s one we’re extending to ourselves.  This week, set aside one hour to talk about strategies that you will set in 2011 to invest in your marriage.  Here are a list of ideas to get you started in setting some practical strategies in place:

• Set one evening each week as a no computer/no TV night that you and your spouse have a date in your own house. Play a board game or a card game, share dessert by candlelight, etc.
• Set aside a set amount of money every paycheck for you to spend on your marriage. Even $10/paycheck can make a big difference!
• Decide a regular date night and put it on the calendar. Make regular childcare arrangements: trade with another couple, ask Grandma and Grandpa, hire a teen in the neighborhood, etc.
• Take 15. Start a new routine of taking 15 minutes to sit and talk face to face before or after dinner each night.
• Hold hands and pray each night when you go to bed.
  
• Put dates on the calendar for an overnight getaway in 2011. It could be one or more nights where the kids go to grandma’s and the two of you stay home. It could also be a bed and breakfast getaway or a to visit to a place you’ve always wanted to visit.

We’re sure you’ll have even more practical ideas to share!  Put some strategies in place and share them with us this week so we can all be inspired!

Now start putting your priorities on the calendar.  We can’t wait to hear about your plans!